last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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