So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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