U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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