Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
