I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
