That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
