you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
