so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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