tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
