I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's never too late to be topless.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
