nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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