Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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