Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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