I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
