Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
