If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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