Umm I'm too high to move.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
