They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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