Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i can't believe i had my finger in that
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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