I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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