quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
