Farmville is her only friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
should my penis look like a turkey
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
