I just pynch a tree in the face
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
