Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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