So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
