hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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