are you so shy because you have an std?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize