I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
