We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
