I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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