Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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