you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
