Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
