he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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