I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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