did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
