i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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