why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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