I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
