i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
