I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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