one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Operation Purity has been aborted
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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