she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dicks are not precious.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
