She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
