Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
