I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
