WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I want a musical about memes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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