I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
