I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
