I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
