I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
