I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
