A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
