somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
