I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
