open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
