Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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