Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize