do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
