you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
pray to the hookup gods
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
