i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
