You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
