my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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