I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
