Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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