So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
