Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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