Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
