I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
