u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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