Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize