The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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