Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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