He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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