Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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