you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
