I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
