No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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