was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
