1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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